Rain on a Grave
by Sorrow in Shadow
Summary: Yuna struggles to find the reason for her cousin's suicide, and makes a few life-changing discoveries. (Sequel to "The Three Men I Admire Most")


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Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X. If I did I would change Yuna's name. The poem is written by Thomas Hardy.

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Rain on a Grave

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By Sorrow in Shadow

~

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Clouds spout upon her

Their waters amain

In ruthless disdain, -

Her but who lately

Had shivered with pain

As at touch of dishonour

If there had lit on her

So coldly, so straightly

Such arrows of rain:

One who to shelter

Her delicate head

Would quicken and quicken

Each tentative tread

If drops chanced to pelt her

That summertime spills

In dust-paven rills

When thunder-clouds thicken

And birds close their bills.

Would that I lay there

And she were housed here!

Or better, together

Were folded away there

Exposed to one weather

We both, - who would stray there

When sunny the day there,

Or evening was clear

At the prime of the year.

Soon will be growing

Green blades from her mound,

And daisies be showing

Like stars on the ground,

Till she form part of them –

Ay – the sweet heart of them,

Loved beyond measure

With a child's pleasure

All her life's round.

~

She knelt there, bitterly sobbing over the small patch of earth. No one was there to comfort her, and if there was she didn't want it. No calming hand on her shoulder to stifle her sobs; no arm about her to steady her sways; and no lips upon her cheeks to lift her tears. "Rikku," she choked out, clutching a small bouquet of daisies, their white petals stained with tears. Her gun belt loosened and the heavy metal weapons fell with a clunk to the dirt ground. "M-my cousin," she whimpered again, placing the daisies before the headstone with shaking hands.

She stood, still quivering, picking up her gun belt as she rose. A fair hand wiped the remaining grief from her face, and she turned to leave with a despondent heart. "I shall never forget you," she said, her eyelashes still wet and her colored eyes shining with moisture. The Gunner swirled on her heel and walked slowly away, still afraid to face the truth. Of all people, why would Rikku? There was no explanation as to Rikku death but suicide. But she just couldn't imagine the hyper Al Bhed committing such an act. Her brows furrowed as she speculated.

What had been done? Oh, what had she done? Both Rikku and Tidus were gone. Without them, she felt lost. There were always Lulu, Wakka, Paine, and Kimahri. Even Sir Auron was gone, but he had never been a compassionate person (nor a live one) to begin with, and his promises were the reasons he had 'served' her in the first place. People seemed to just disappear around her. She cursed then quickly covered her mouth. There was so much to do...

As Sin's Bane, she had breached a certain popularity point. As Yevon's Bane, she had overrun it. She had to be strong. There was no other option.

"Yuna?" a saucy voice called across the cemetery field. She looked over the countless plaques of gray stone, past the mist, and into the bright red eyes of her former guardian. The woman in black brushed her long ebony braids aside and placed her hand on her hip in her normal haughty stance.

"Coming, Lulu," Yuna replied, making her way swiftly past the slaps of concrete and she patches of daisies. Her half-skirt rustled in the cold breeze as the first droplets hit her hands and head. She looked up at the overcast clouds, shrouding her with the message of doom. More drops graced her peachy face and she blinked her eyes to avoid being struck by the rain. She peered through her wet eyelashes and tried to see past the haze, past the ominous perception that clouded her vision.

But the rain was falling in thicker proportions now, and Lulu was hurrying her to the Al Bhed ship where Brother was waiting impatiently. Yuna gave no complaints as they made their way on the now muddy road and onto to gangplank. She wiped off her black boots first, watching Lulu with a steady eye as the black mage fiddled with her hem. Walking to the rail, Yuna looked back at Rikku's burial place.

She was buried on an island. She was safe. Yuna smiled softly as she thought about her cousin and how she hated thunder. There was a storm brewing, Yuna knew. There would soon be thunder lighting up the ocean and the sky. With a sigh, she walked back into the dry compartment. Lulu was still there, sitting down with a book and eyeing it disdainfully. Wakka was in the chair beside her, sneaking worried glances at her. Either Lulu was not aware of his attention or she ignored it. He too held a book, but it was upside down and parted somewhere near the middle, so Yuna suspected that he wasn't really reading anything but the face of the woman next to him.

How that moment reminded her of Tidus! How his concerned expression brought back memories of moments and little peeps they had shared! Yuna almost sighed, but contained herself. She walked to another end of the indoor compartment and took a small scrap of paper from her belt. She eyed it wryly, and noted the last scrawls of Rikku before the small girl plunged to her death amongst rocks.

She read it carefully again: UP TO THIS DAY I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME. HE SEEMED SO REAL. AND HE WAS A DREAM. MY DREAM, BUT NOT MY REALITY. HE WILL BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S REALITY, BUT HE WILL ALWAYS STAY MY DREAM.

What did it mean? Yuna scratched her head and bit her lower lip as she thought about the words. Who was He? Was He the reason Rikku had killed herself? Frowning, she looked over the words again. Maybe she should ask for some help in figuring this out. She walked back to Lulu and Wakka and held the note out. "What does it mean?" she asked tentatively.

Lulu eyed her with hesitation in her bright eyes and exchanged a worried glance with Wakka, who was more than happy to return it. Lulu knew what it meant. Of course she did. She was specialized at noticing these things. Wakka knew because Lulu had told him. "You want to know?" Lulu said in her low, calm tone, eyes twinkling with knowledge. Yuna nodded her head once, her eyes set and her jaw firm. Lulu stared at her, her gaze filled with sorrow, compassion, and challenge. But Yuna returned the gaze with just as much vigor, and Lulu nodded her head in return. "Very well."

Wakka looked slightly nervous and went back to reading his book. He finally seemed to notice that it was upside down and quickly turned it around. His eyes skimmed the pages more quickly than he could possibly read them. "You tell her, Lu, but I'll have no part in it, ya?" Lulu seemed to understand and gave him a confirming glance.

"Yuna," she began. "Rikku was in love with someone. She was under the impression that she'd never retain his love in return, and the knowledge made her distraught."

Yuna interrupted. "But did he love her in return?" she asked hopefully.

Lulu took a deep breath and thought about her answer. "That is something we shall never know. We believe she died for her unrequited love. She seemed to understand that he, well, loved another." Yuna was confused, and Lulu could see it. Her compassion battled her logic, and she wondered whether to tell Yuna the truth or to simply lie. "He is Tidus," she finally said, logic and truth winning the minute's battle.

Yuna felt like a dagger had pierced her heart. She stopped breathing for a second and stood rigidly still, her eyes wide and her lips thin. No, not her Tidus! Surely Lulu was mistaken, and Rikku had longed for Auron, or Wakka, or anyone else! But not her Tidus! "Lu..." Wakka started in a sad, sympathetic tone, but a glare from the black mage silenced him.

"She needed to know. She had to understand," Lulu retorted. "Rikku died because she thought that Tidus would never love her, that he was in love with Yuna. That even if he came back from Zanarkand, he'd still love Yuna. Rikku had no hope, and that is why she died."

"No," Yuna gasped, shaking her head; her hand clenched into a fist that she placed above her heart. "No, it isn't true! It can't be!" Lulu's eyes filled with compassion and she turned them onto Yuna's stricken face.

"Yes, I'm afraid so, Yuna," Lulu said softly, her arms firmly placed at her sides. She thanked everything that her sleeves were too long for Yuna to see her clamped fists; the marks on her palm as her nails dug into her flesh. She hated seeing Yuna so sad. 

"NO!" Yuna screamed, turning on her heels and fleeing onto the deck. She took out her guns and shot wild shots into the ocean, sobbing bitterly. "IT'S NOT TRUE!" Her entire figure shook and her breath was ragged when she heaved a sigh of remorse. Her guns ran out of bullets, and she threw the treasured weapons to the floor, running into her own cabin where she flew onto her bed and wretched out wails like a machine.

Then she realized what Rikku had meant. The words came back to her. AND HE WAS A DREAM. MY DREAM, BUT NOT MY REALITY. HE WILL BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S REALITY, BUT HE WILL ALWAYS STAY MY DREAM.

Tidus was Yuna's reality. He was Rikku's dream. And Yuna felt horrified that she had taken that reality and left Rikku only reveries. Without even knowing it, she had betrayed her cousin, her friend. 

Yuna rocked herself to sleep, folded up into her own arms. And she had a dream. Tidus was there, staring at her with his loving blue eyes and his handsome smile. His fingers caressed her skin, and Yuna felt herself choke with joy. Tears were in his eyes too, and he slowly bent over to press his warm lips to hers. Yuna embraced him, and still locked in his kiss, saw the shaking, sobbing form of Rikku in the distance, watching them with forlorn eyes and a breaking heart.

Yuna's eyes widened and she tried to break away from Tidus, only finding that she couldn't. She pushed her hands against his chest, trying to separate from his body, but he only gripped her tighter and pushed his lips onto her own more violently. Yuna's eyes brimmed with tears as she saw Rikku bury her face in her hands, shaking her head again and again.

Yuna stomped on Tidus's foot numerously, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. But he was too strong, and he held her too tightly. Yuna dared to open her eyes again, staring at Rikku through moist eyes. The small Al Bhed was holding one of Yuna's precious guns to her head, and saying something with sealed eyelids and gripping fingers. "..ALWAYS STAY MY DREAM."

Rikku pulled the trigger and Yuna let out a loud scream, finally bursting away from Tidus and running towards her dying cousin. But it was too late. Rikku was dead and fading away, and her hand held a small crumpled up bit of paper. Yuna screamed again, feeling her hot cheeks with her hands and whimpering in agony. She turned back to Tidus, only to find him fading away too, a look of immense surprise on his face and shock in his eyes. Yuna cried out in pain, frustration, sorrow, and anger as she ran. She ran towards nothing. Everything.

Then she woke up. Breathing heavily in the darkness, Yuna stumbled towards her door, forcing it open and nearly crawling onto the deck. Her guns were still there. Whispering thanks to no one, Yuna took one of them in her hands and pointed it to her head. She took a deep breath and winced as she pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened. There were no bullets. Yuna sighed, half in relief and half in desperation. She searched her belt for a reload, and upon finding it prepared to shoot herself in the head. Her hands shook as they held the heavy metal weapon that would bring about her death.

But she stopped. "No..." Yuna murmured softly, putting down her gun and staring into the dark blue sea. "He will always stay your dream."


End file.
